You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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