ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize