but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
