I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
