God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
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