I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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