Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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