I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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