Whats the glycemic index on semen?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
