Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
