hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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