some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
