Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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