what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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