Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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