only you would photoshop your dick
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
