speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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