im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize