I think I just saw someone hide a body.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
