why didn't you poke me back
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize