I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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