i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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