Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize