I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
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