Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize