i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Randomize
