my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
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