Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
