Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
