Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
