We're facebook friends in real life
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
