I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
