Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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