Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
