Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
