I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
