u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize