What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Girls should come with a carfax report
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Im part way to drunk.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
