I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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