Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
