The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
