3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
