It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
