Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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