you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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