my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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