next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
