I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Randomize
