win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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