I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
