I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
