Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
