No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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