well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
