She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
