My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
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