okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
