but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
