pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
What happened to fro yo and sex?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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