She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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