I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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