Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
