I don't usually arrange sex via text message
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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