It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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