she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Semen is not good for contacts.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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