On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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