Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I will pee on everything he values.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
