woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
