apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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