just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
