so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
