I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
how drunk are you?
Several
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I need to align my fucking chakras
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
