No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
